It's been too long since we talked. Sorry about that. Life got in the way.
I am supposed to be sleeping right now. It’s late, I am tired and I have to get up and go to work tomorrow just like every other weekday. But, I can’t sleep. This week, despite my best efforts, has not been a good week. I was a year ago this week that a significant long term relationship ended. I thought I was OK. I thought I was dealing with it – not over it, but dealing with it at least. As it turns out, I was wrong.
I have spent this week in a funk. More tears than usual, in fact, more tears than I thought I had left in me over this relationship. I know for certain that I do not miss this individual and do not want him to be a part of my life. But, I guess I am still grieving the loss of daily companionship and friendship. I miss having someone around. I miss having a built in movie date on a lazy Sunday afternoon. I miss the strong confident woman I used to be. That is what I am grieving.
I did not like the person I was when the relationship was finally over and it is taking me a while to find the old “me” again. This last relationship really changed me in ways that I am not proud of. I lost who I was. I spent all of my time and energy focusing on his life, his dreams and his needs and when I couldn’t make him the center of my attention anymore it all fell apart. So, when it was all over, I didn’t know how to be my own cheerleader anymore.
There have been a few things that have really helped me in the past year. I have made new friends, re-established my social circle and had some really great times this summer. In fact, the friends I have made in the past couple of years are some of the best friends I have ever had. They are kind and loving and a whole tonne of fun. They were there for me (when I finally let them in) when I needed them the most with hugs and words of kindness. They are here for me now with dating advice – some good, some not so good. And I really hope they are around for years and years to come.
If it had not been for the support of my friends and family this past year I am not sure I would have made it this far. I don’t think they know how important they were/are in my (ongoing) healing process. I hope they read this and realize how much I love them for their kindness.
So, with this post I am here to announce that I am on my way back. Back to the blogsphere, back to being me and back to my life with positive intentions and looking towards the future. It’s going to take some time but I will get there. I hope you are with me when I arrive.