A Lot Can Happen In a Year

It's been too long since we talked.  Sorry about that.  Life got in the way.

I am supposed to be sleeping right now.  It’s late, I am tired and I have to get up and go to work tomorrow just like every other weekday.  But, I can’t sleep.  This week, despite my best efforts, has not been a good week.  I was a year ago this week that a significant long term relationship ended.  I thought I was OK.  I thought I was dealing with it – not over it, but dealing with it at least.  As it turns out, I was wrong.

I have spent this week in a funk.  More tears than usual, in fact, more tears than I thought I had left in me over this relationship.  I know for certain that I do not miss this individual and do not want him to be a part of my life.  But, I guess I am still grieving the loss of daily companionship and friendship.  I miss having someone around.  I miss having a built in movie date on a lazy Sunday afternoon.  I miss the strong confident woman I used to be.  That is what I am grieving.

I did not like the person I was when the relationship was finally over and it is taking me a while to find the old “me” again.  This last relationship really changed me in ways that I am not proud of.  I lost who I was.  I spent all of my time and energy focusing on his life, his dreams and his needs and when I couldn’t make him the center of my attention anymore it all fell apart.  So, when it was all over, I didn’t know how to be my own cheerleader anymore.

There have been a few things that have really helped me in the past year.  I have made new friends, re-established my social circle and had some really great times this summer.  In fact, the friends I have made in the past couple of years are some of the best friends I have ever had.  They are kind and loving and a whole tonne of fun.  They were there for me (when I finally let them in) when I needed them the most with hugs and words of kindness.  They are here for me now with dating advice – some good, some not so good.  And I really hope they are around for years and years to come.

If it had not been for the support of my friends and family this past year I am not sure I would have made it this far.  I don’t think they know how important they were/are in my (ongoing) healing process.  I hope they read this and realize how much I love them for their kindness.

So, with this post I am here to announce that I am on my way back.  Back to the blogsphere, back to being me and back to my life with positive intentions and looking towards the future.  It’s going to take some time but I will get there.  I hope you are with me when I arrive.

Casual Confidence

As you may remember I have been back in the dating game since about March after the end of a long and important relationship in October.  I waited six months before even attempting to date and it has taken me a while to find my groove.  

Out of the dating gate I met a very nice young man through an online dating service.  He had a car, a house and a dog.  He also had the best job ever – he made ice cream.  And not just any ice cream.  Hagen Daas ice cream.  My friends thought that this reason alone made him a good catch, and I didn’t disagree.  He was friendly, and pleasant, always respectful and kind.  Unfortunately, in the end he was also very intense and was moving WAY too quickly for me.  So, after about 6 weeks I had to end it.

Around this time my friend Amanda “set me up” with a friend of hers.  He was tall and handsome.  He played sports and loved children.  I knew he was younger than me but wasn’t sure exactly how much younger.  I am OK with dating a younger man, but I do have some limits.  So, when his birthday rolled around shortly after our third date I decided to ask.  As it happens he was 10 years! younger than me.  10 years!  I am sure I gasped when he told me.  Shortly thereafter we stopped dating and my friend Amanda was fired from any future matchmaking duties.

The next guy I dated was the exact opposite of Ice Cream guy.  He was friendly enough but very reserved and clearly was holding back emotionally.  We had 5 or 6 dates and the only physical contact we had was an awkward pat-on-the-back hug at the end of each date.  While I don’t expect my dates to ravage me like a romance novel character, I do expect some affectionate touching so I know you are interested.  After a month or so I decided I had to end this short-lived relationship too.

After 3 failed attempts at establishing a solid relationship my confidence was waning and I was worried that I had lost all of my flirting skills during my last monogamous relationship and I might not get them back.  It was official, I had lost my mojo.  This was a horrible realization for me.  I used to be an expert flirt.  Meeting men was never this difficult when I was in my 20s.  Was I getting to old, to fat, too desperate?  GAH!

So, I took a break from dating for a while and just decided to not push things too much.  Maybe I was being too proactive.  Maybe a laid back approach might be better.  I had recently realized that one of my issues with meeting men was that I was always out with guy friends.  And, as much as I love them, they put a serious cramp in my game when they are around.  So, last week, some girl friends from work and I (Kate, Jessica and Tiffany – best wing women ever!) decided to have a girls night out on the town. 

Girls night out was a HUGE success.  I decided to take my friend’s advice and approach things a little differently this time around.  Usually I am the girl in the heels and the skirt, full makeup and jewellery, nails done and ready to rock.  Apparently, this can be a little intimidating or overwhelming for guys.  They like to keep things simple.  So, this time out I wore flats (flats!!!  I never wear flats out!), jeans and a simple tank top.  I wore almost no makeup and only a simple necklace to jazz things up a bit. 

 

And you know what?  It worked.  It turns out Kate and Jess were right.  Considering one of them is married and one of them is in a 5 year committed relationship I guess they probably know what they are talking about.  I felt confident and relaxed and soon enough I was striking up a conversation with a very handsome guy.  Now, the most exciting part of this story (well, it was exciting for me!) was that this very handsome guy actually ASKED FOR MY NUMBER!  Usually, I am the one who takes the initiative to ask for numbers but he beat me to it, which was awesome.  And, not only did he ask for my number he also specifically asked to meet up at an event a few days later.  I was all smiles on the way home and I may have fist bumped my girl friend Kate.  That right, fist bump.  I did meet up with this very hot man a few days later and it looks like an official date is in our immediate future.

So, the moral of the story?  Casual and relaxed confidence beats dolled up fake coolness any day of the week

...and all because two people fell in love

This past weekend I had the great pleasure in celebrating the impending birth of one of my best friend's first baby.  My friend Jessica is 7 months pregnant with her first baby and I could not be more excited for her.  She is one of my closest friends and I can't believe she is going to have a baby.  I have to be honest, I am not one of those women to "ohs" and "aws" over babies and children.  But, this time, it is different.  This time it is one of MY people having a baby. She is happy and glowing and I imagine more than a little terrified.  But, I know she is going to be a fantastic mother.  Her partner Sean is supportive and loving.  I like watching them together when they are not paying attention.  He looks at her and rubs her belly.  It is beautiful that they seem to be so much in love.  


The baby shower was hosted by Jessica's best friend Hailie.  Hailie and her family pulled together a very fun and entertaining co-ed baby shower.  If you are not familiar a co-ed baby shower is really just a party with baby presents and games involving baby food and pinning the sperm on the egg.  

Of course the presents were pink and adorable for Baby Girl Barber.  A name has been chosen but apparently it is a secret for now.  There were onsies and receiving blankets, party dresses and adorable socks.  There was even a ballerina tutu and a bottle of tequila.  I had such fun watching Jess and Sean open all of their gifts.  I can't believe we start out as such small and helpless creatures and we grow into mothers and fathers.  Amazing!

At any party that is hosted by Hailie and her friends and family you can be sure there is going to be music.  Sure enough, well into the evening good friends and family brought out their instruments and warmed up their voices for over an hour of rock and roll blues jamming.  I am told that one of the songs was even a family original that all the children wrote and performed themselves.  It was amazing to see all the friends and family of the lovely couple enjoying the music and celebrating the new member that will soon join this large and close knit family. 

Congratulation Sean and Jess!  May your future be full of love.

A Little Taste

Last weekend I attended a Wine Tasting Party/Birthday Celebration at Adam and Lulu's.  The Wine Tasting had been an idea suggested after our visit to the Wine and Food show back in January.  But, busy schedules and lives made the scheduling of a party date more than a little difficult.  But, finally, this weekend the stars aligned and everyone was able to make it. 

We sampled 9 different wines from France.  All red.  Some were good, some were not so good but it was fun to pretend like we knew what we were talking about.  Some of us, more than others, tried to use the "language" of wine. 

The rest of us used the cheat sheet or made up our own words.  We had lots of fun, drank line and spent most of the day on Sunday recovering from our fun. 

After the official tasting was complete we continued the night with laughter, games and snacks.  Lulu had seen my Peanut Butter and Chocolate Whoopie Pies on the blog and made a special request for Birthday Whoopies and I, of course, made sure she got what she wanted.  



Whoooooppppiiiiiieeeee!

 

Joel and Caroline



Jason and Me

Joel and Me



Rich



Lulu and Adam



Girl's Night

I love Girl's Night.  There is something so fun about hanging out with your girlfriends and just chatting and sharing stories.  That's what we do.  No TV.  No movie.  Just the girls and some wine of course.

It's hard to find good girlfriends.  Dare I say it is harder to get girlfriends than it is to get boyfriends.  I moved back to London in 2008 and I am just now really solidifying relationships with people I hope to know for the rest of my life.  Caroline, Lulu and Amanda have become some great girls to have in my life.  They are smart, creative, funny and just plain awesome.  I am better for having them around. 

Tonight's Girls Night was especially exciting as it was the very first time I had hosted in my "new" house.  I made veggie fajitas and the girls brought cookies and a mixed bean salad.  Plus we had some wine and mixed drinks as well.  It was a fun time.

Lulu was busy snapping the pics so she isn't in any of them unfortunately.  I will get her next time for sure.  We do our best to make Girl's Night a regular event.  Schedules are hard to co-ordinate sometimes but we have been doing a pretty good job at making it a regular event.

Love you ladies!