Day of the Undead

How is your weekend going so far?  So far mine has been ok. 

Something pretty cool happened to me last week.  A stranger recognized me from my blog.  I could not believe it.  I was waiting some my team mates to get into the gymnasium where we would be playing floor hockey.  I was just subbing on this team for a friend so I did not really know everybody.  As we were making the introductions I got to chatting with one of our players.  After a couple of minutes he asked me if I wrote a blog.  I said I did and he said that he was actually readiing my blog recently.  So random and so exciting!  This brief interaction inspired me to start writing again.  Knowing that there is someone out there who is no my mom or my best friend that is reading my blog is kind of exciting.  Very Cool! 
I had a little too much fun with some friends on Friday night so yesterday was a bit of a write off.  I think this is just a sympton of my recent unexpected feelings about the anniversary of my break up this week.  The last time I did this to myself was the weekend my ex moved out.  Notice a pattern?  Clearly not my best judgement.  A friend gave me some great advice recently.  She said, the first year after a break up is the hardest because all of your memories surrounding birthdays and special days probably include your old partner.  But, after the first year is over, you have made new memories that do not include him.  These new memories are what you can look back on going forward, and maybe not feel quite so alone or sad on what are supposed to be special days.  

I have a birthday coming up in a couple of weeks for the first time in my life I am not looking foward to it.  I am thinking about things that never used to cross my mind.  I think about how old I am, and just getting older.  I think about the fact that my life is not what I expected it to be at this age.  I worry that I am getting too old, and that time is running out for me to meet someone and have a family.  I know all of my friends and family try their best to convince me that I am not THAT old, and that I don't need to worry.  They are all certain I will meet someone and find the love that I deserve.  How can they be so sure?

Despite my hangover and personal funk that I have been in I did manage to make it over to my brother's for some awesome home made lasagna and Ceaser Salad.  It was amazing, as usual.  My brother is a very talented cook.  We also watched the movie Win Win last night.  It is a lovely and inspiring movie about a man (Paul Giamatti) who is a little down on his luck who establishes a relationship with the grandson of a man he is helping out. Spending the afternoon with my brother and sister-in-law (and my parents who also stopped in for a quick visit) was exactly what I needed yesterday.  My brother and I did not always get along growing up.  But, as an adult he has become my strongest supporter and my loudest cheerleader.  He would do anything for me, I know he would.  And I love him for it. 

My game plan for today includes a shopping trip with my mom...woo hoo!  And also pizza and zombies with my friend Drew.  As it turns out he is also a fan of the AMC seris The Walking Dead.  As I do not have a television I was worried Imight not be able to watch the season premier on tonight.  But, thankfully Drew came through with an invititation for pizza and a mini zombie marathon tonight.  Sweet!  I can't wait.

Have a great lasy Sunday!

A Lot Can Happen In a Year

It's been too long since we talked.  Sorry about that.  Life got in the way.

I am supposed to be sleeping right now.  It’s late, I am tired and I have to get up and go to work tomorrow just like every other weekday.  But, I can’t sleep.  This week, despite my best efforts, has not been a good week.  I was a year ago this week that a significant long term relationship ended.  I thought I was OK.  I thought I was dealing with it – not over it, but dealing with it at least.  As it turns out, I was wrong.

I have spent this week in a funk.  More tears than usual, in fact, more tears than I thought I had left in me over this relationship.  I know for certain that I do not miss this individual and do not want him to be a part of my life.  But, I guess I am still grieving the loss of daily companionship and friendship.  I miss having someone around.  I miss having a built in movie date on a lazy Sunday afternoon.  I miss the strong confident woman I used to be.  That is what I am grieving.

I did not like the person I was when the relationship was finally over and it is taking me a while to find the old “me” again.  This last relationship really changed me in ways that I am not proud of.  I lost who I was.  I spent all of my time and energy focusing on his life, his dreams and his needs and when I couldn’t make him the center of my attention anymore it all fell apart.  So, when it was all over, I didn’t know how to be my own cheerleader anymore.

There have been a few things that have really helped me in the past year.  I have made new friends, re-established my social circle and had some really great times this summer.  In fact, the friends I have made in the past couple of years are some of the best friends I have ever had.  They are kind and loving and a whole tonne of fun.  They were there for me (when I finally let them in) when I needed them the most with hugs and words of kindness.  They are here for me now with dating advice – some good, some not so good.  And I really hope they are around for years and years to come.

If it had not been for the support of my friends and family this past year I am not sure I would have made it this far.  I don’t think they know how important they were/are in my (ongoing) healing process.  I hope they read this and realize how much I love them for their kindness.

So, with this post I am here to announce that I am on my way back.  Back to the blogsphere, back to being me and back to my life with positive intentions and looking towards the future.  It’s going to take some time but I will get there.  I hope you are with me when I arrive.

Wordless Wednesday

PBG Recipe: Best. Brownies. Ever.

Last week I made the world’s best brownies, for the second time.  I made them the first time for the family to try.  I had never made brownies before but I know that I like my brownies to be fudgy, not cakey.  I also like them to be very rich and chocolaty with the added crunch of nuts.  After searching the web for the perfect recipe I came up with my interpretation of brownies.  And, if I do say so myself, they were easy and super tasty.  These will certainly be my go-to recipe for an easy chocolate treat.  They are the perfect compliment to vanilla ice cream.

Make these now.  You won’t regret it. 

Ingredients

6 tablespoons unsalted or salted butter, cut into pieces

1 cup dark chocolate, chopped

3/4 cup sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

2 large eggs, room temperature

1/4 cup all-purpose flour

1 cup walnuts, almonds, hazelnuts, or pecans, toasted and coarsely chopped

Directions

1.  Preheat oven to 350°.  Line a 9-inch square baking tin with two pieces of parchment paper, leaving a 2-inch overhang on each side.  Lightly grease the parchment paper with butter or cooking spray.

2.  Melt the butter in a medium saucepan over low heat.   Add the chocolate and with a spatula, stir over low heat until the chocolate is melted and smooth. Remove from the heat.

3.  Whisk in the sugar until well combined.

4.  Whisk in eggs one at a time, whisking until smooth after each addition. Stir in the vanilla.

5.  Using a fine-mesh sieve, sift in the flour.  Whisk batter vigorously for 1 full minute, until batter loses its graininess and becomes smooth and glossy, and pulls away from the sides of the saucepan.

6.  Add the chopped nuts and with the wooden spoon, stir to combine.

7.  Pour batter into prepared baking tin and bake for about 30 minutes, until the centre feels almost set, do not over-bake.

InstaFriday - July 29, 2011

A Giant Metal Chicken

I am so busy,  and I am sure you have noticed a shortage of posts as a result.  So, rather than write something whitty myself I am totally going to link you to the funniest things I have read online in a long time.  This story is freakin' hilarious. 

I give you, Beyonce, the Giant Metal Chicken....

http://thebloggess.com/2011/06/and-thats-why-you-should-learn-to-pick-your-battles/

Casual Confidence

As you may remember I have been back in the dating game since about March after the end of a long and important relationship in October.  I waited six months before even attempting to date and it has taken me a while to find my groove.  

Out of the dating gate I met a very nice young man through an online dating service.  He had a car, a house and a dog.  He also had the best job ever – he made ice cream.  And not just any ice cream.  Hagen Daas ice cream.  My friends thought that this reason alone made him a good catch, and I didn’t disagree.  He was friendly, and pleasant, always respectful and kind.  Unfortunately, in the end he was also very intense and was moving WAY too quickly for me.  So, after about 6 weeks I had to end it.

Around this time my friend Amanda “set me up” with a friend of hers.  He was tall and handsome.  He played sports and loved children.  I knew he was younger than me but wasn’t sure exactly how much younger.  I am OK with dating a younger man, but I do have some limits.  So, when his birthday rolled around shortly after our third date I decided to ask.  As it happens he was 10 years! younger than me.  10 years!  I am sure I gasped when he told me.  Shortly thereafter we stopped dating and my friend Amanda was fired from any future matchmaking duties.

The next guy I dated was the exact opposite of Ice Cream guy.  He was friendly enough but very reserved and clearly was holding back emotionally.  We had 5 or 6 dates and the only physical contact we had was an awkward pat-on-the-back hug at the end of each date.  While I don’t expect my dates to ravage me like a romance novel character, I do expect some affectionate touching so I know you are interested.  After a month or so I decided I had to end this short-lived relationship too.

After 3 failed attempts at establishing a solid relationship my confidence was waning and I was worried that I had lost all of my flirting skills during my last monogamous relationship and I might not get them back.  It was official, I had lost my mojo.  This was a horrible realization for me.  I used to be an expert flirt.  Meeting men was never this difficult when I was in my 20s.  Was I getting to old, to fat, too desperate?  GAH!

So, I took a break from dating for a while and just decided to not push things too much.  Maybe I was being too proactive.  Maybe a laid back approach might be better.  I had recently realized that one of my issues with meeting men was that I was always out with guy friends.  And, as much as I love them, they put a serious cramp in my game when they are around.  So, last week, some girl friends from work and I (Kate, Jessica and Tiffany – best wing women ever!) decided to have a girls night out on the town. 

Girls night out was a HUGE success.  I decided to take my friend’s advice and approach things a little differently this time around.  Usually I am the girl in the heels and the skirt, full makeup and jewellery, nails done and ready to rock.  Apparently, this can be a little intimidating or overwhelming for guys.  They like to keep things simple.  So, this time out I wore flats (flats!!!  I never wear flats out!), jeans and a simple tank top.  I wore almost no makeup and only a simple necklace to jazz things up a bit. 

 

And you know what?  It worked.  It turns out Kate and Jess were right.  Considering one of them is married and one of them is in a 5 year committed relationship I guess they probably know what they are talking about.  I felt confident and relaxed and soon enough I was striking up a conversation with a very handsome guy.  Now, the most exciting part of this story (well, it was exciting for me!) was that this very handsome guy actually ASKED FOR MY NUMBER!  Usually, I am the one who takes the initiative to ask for numbers but he beat me to it, which was awesome.  And, not only did he ask for my number he also specifically asked to meet up at an event a few days later.  I was all smiles on the way home and I may have fist bumped my girl friend Kate.  That right, fist bump.  I did meet up with this very hot man a few days later and it looks like an official date is in our immediate future.

So, the moral of the story?  Casual and relaxed confidence beats dolled up fake coolness any day of the week