Sometimes They Don't Call

Ladies, you know what I am talking about.  You go out on a first date.  It goes well.  There are no awkward pauses in the conversation, both of you are laughing, you are looking exceptionally cute in your new yellow cardigan.  He walks you to your car and ends the evening with a hug.  You tell him you had a good time, he says he did to and that we should do it again sometime.  "Great!" you say with your biggest grin.  "I would like that." 

We all know there are stupid rules and dating games that need to be played.  So, we wait.  After a couple of days you try not to think about it but you keep checking your phone to see if you missed a call or an email.  You tell yourself he said he would call towards the end of the week and it's only Wednesday, no need to panic.  Then, Friday rolls around and still no call. 

At some point you have to acknowledge that you have been officially rejected.  You must accept that while you were having a good time on your first date he was planning an exit strategy.  You must embrace the fact that even though you are awesome and you were totally rocking your new yellow cardigan (that you got on sale shopping with your mom on Mother's Day) he felt differently.

There is a kind of relief that comes with the recognition of the rejection, don't you think?  You don't have to worry if he is going to call.  You don't have to worry that maybe yellow isn't your colour (because it is, it totally is!).  You don't have worry that maybe you said something, did something, wore something that was unpleasant.  You can just move on. 

While on the surface rejection in dating can be a hard pill to swallow we must learn to take it for what it is.  A bump in the road.  Just because someone doesn't want to date you does not mean there is anything wrong with you.  It just means that you weren't right for him.  He will find someone who is a better fit and so will you. 

So, ladies!  Chins up, yellow first date cardigans ready!  Time to head into the dating battle field with our new scars.  Proud to be single but still looking for that special someone to share your special someone (yes, YOU!) with.

Happy dating!

Dating

Those of you who know me or have been reading my blog for a while know that I am single.  My long tern relationship of 4 years ended in October and I decided a couple of months ago it was time to get back in the saddle and start dating again.  For starters, I am employing a little technology to help me in my search.  I have joined some online dating sites to help me find some dates.  I am pretty easy going a friendly person but find it really hard to meet new people in my day to day life.  I have a small circle of awesome friends but they are mostly new to the city and we all know mostly the same people, so there is little opportunity for blind date set-ups. 

I actually don't mind dating that much.  I am not shy and am pretty extroverted so I am able to carry a conversation with someone new fairly easily.  So far I have dated a couple of nice men but no Mr. Right just yet.  While, the actually dating part comes easily for me it is the time between dates, wondering if I should call him, should I wait to call him, is he even gonna call that I hate.  No one likes to be rejected.  And, it seems that most men are too chicken to actually reject you to your face so i find what usually happens is that the emails simply stop coming, the texts dwindle and eventually the relationship just fades away.  It would be so much easier if people were honest about how they felt.  While, I certainly do not like the idea that someone may not think I am as great as I think I am, I would much rather they told me then leave me hanging and wondering. 

The other hard part about dating is that you always have to be the cutest, funniest best version of yourself.  That can be exhausting.  I guess when you meet the right person this process is not so exhausting because you are comfortable enough to be yourself right away.  But, how do you know?

How do you know if you have met Mr. Right?  How do you even know you are in love?  I have had three significant relationships in my life all of which lasted around four years.  At the time I was sure that I was in love and he was the one.  Clearly, I was wrong.  So, again, I ask you, how do you know?  This is the hardest part.  Not knowing.  I don't trust myself anymore to make these decisions because clearly I have been wrong a lot in the past.  I like to think I know what I want in a partner but maybe I am being too selective and not giving guys enough of a chance. 

Well, as I try to figure all this out I will keep you all posted.  Maybe Mr. Right is at the grocery store buying organic veggies as we speak.  Oh, maybe the Farmer's Market is a good place to pick up?  Argh.

Source

PBG Book Club: The Help

The Help by Katheryn Stockett might now be one of my top 5 favourite books.  This book was soooooo good I couldn’t put it down.  One of my favourite books of all time is To Kill a Mockingbird and this book reminded me of that story in so many ways.  The storyline as well as the feel of the book is what really stuck with me.

The story takes place in Jackson, Mississippi in 1962.  A young white woman, nicknamed Skeeter,  has just returned home from college with dreams of becoming a writer.  As she tries to find her voice as a writer she starts to realize that there is an injustice in her hometown, an all over the country that needs to be addressed.  Skeeter comes to realize that the stories of the local black women who work tirelessly as maids and nannies to the affluent white families need to be told.

Young Skeeter develops a relationship with Aibileen, her best friend’s maid and Aibileen’s best friend Minnie.  The three of them work together to tell their own stories as well and the stories of many of the local maids.  There are stories of love and affection along with stories of segregation and racism.    These stories are collected in a book that is bound to raise eyebrows and cause serious controversy if anyone finds out who wrote it or who it is about.

I could not put this book down.  The characters were so interesting and deep.  Young Skeeter is trying so hard to find her voice, and to do something meaningful and important with her life.  Aibileen is smart women with so much love for the children that she cares for that you can’t help but fall in love with her.  Minnie and a grumpy and harsh women but you can sense that deep down she wants to do the right thing and her heart overflows with love for the people in her life she truly cares for.  The three of them together are a force to be reckoned with in Jackson. Mississippi.

This story is full of different emotions.  It was poignant, funny and dramatic.  I also think this is an important book and an important topic.  While times have certainly changes since 1962 there are still injustices in the world and people who are not treated with respect.  And, it is important that someone is willing to speak for the marginalized people who can’t always stand up for themselves.

If you only read one book this summer you should read The Help.

I Spoke Too Soon

So, in my last post I implied that Spring had sprung in London, Ontario.  Flowers were starting to bloom, there is green on the treas and the sky was blue and clear.  Well, yesterday was a different story.  I had just gotten home from work and was eating dinner while watching an episode of Mad Men on Netflix (my latest obsession...am I the only one who has a girl crush on Christina Hendricks?) when it started to thunder and rain.  "Oh well," I thought, "just another crappy Spring weekend ahead."  Then, suddenly the raid started to get very loud, unusually loud.  I looked out the window and sure enough...HAIL!  Hail pellets the size of chick peas were falling from the sky. 

Usually hail storms only last a couple of minutes then turn back into rain.  But this hail shower would not let up until my garden looked like a winter wonderland. 

The hail fell for at least 10 minutes.  I called my mom on the other side of town and she said they only had a little bit of hail.  So, even though Spring is in the air,other nature likes to remind us that she is still the one in control of this situation. 

Signs of Spring

...and all because two people fell in love

This past weekend I had the great pleasure in celebrating the impending birth of one of my best friend's first baby.  My friend Jessica is 7 months pregnant with her first baby and I could not be more excited for her.  She is one of my closest friends and I can't believe she is going to have a baby.  I have to be honest, I am not one of those women to "ohs" and "aws" over babies and children.  But, this time, it is different.  This time it is one of MY people having a baby. She is happy and glowing and I imagine more than a little terrified.  But, I know she is going to be a fantastic mother.  Her partner Sean is supportive and loving.  I like watching them together when they are not paying attention.  He looks at her and rubs her belly.  It is beautiful that they seem to be so much in love.  


The baby shower was hosted by Jessica's best friend Hailie.  Hailie and her family pulled together a very fun and entertaining co-ed baby shower.  If you are not familiar a co-ed baby shower is really just a party with baby presents and games involving baby food and pinning the sperm on the egg.  

Of course the presents were pink and adorable for Baby Girl Barber.  A name has been chosen but apparently it is a secret for now.  There were onsies and receiving blankets, party dresses and adorable socks.  There was even a ballerina tutu and a bottle of tequila.  I had such fun watching Jess and Sean open all of their gifts.  I can't believe we start out as such small and helpless creatures and we grow into mothers and fathers.  Amazing!

At any party that is hosted by Hailie and her friends and family you can be sure there is going to be music.  Sure enough, well into the evening good friends and family brought out their instruments and warmed up their voices for over an hour of rock and roll blues jamming.  I am told that one of the songs was even a family original that all the children wrote and performed themselves.  It was amazing to see all the friends and family of the lovely couple enjoying the music and celebrating the new member that will soon join this large and close knit family. 

Congratulation Sean and Jess!  May your future be full of love.

Canada Votes...One More Time with Feeling

It's Election Day in Canada...again.  It seems like every time we turn around we are in a position to vote these days.  I am the first one to admit that I know next to nothing about politics.  In fact, this will be the first time in all my 33 years that I have taken the time to vote for my country.  I know, I know.  It is shameful that I haven't voted until now.  My mom keeps reminding me of that fact.  In my defence, I recognize that my lack of vote means I didn't have a voice so I rarely complained about the government.  But, this time, it was different. 

To be honest, I still hate politics and still don't know that much about the process or the system.  But, this year I made an effort to research the candidates and the Parties and made an informed decision about who to vote for.  There are a lot of issues that are important to me this time around:  the economy, local agriculture, sustainable energy, Health Care and families. 

What I am finding the most irritating when discussing politics with most (but not all) of my friends and co-workers is that the one and only issue that people seem to care about is taxes.  Of course, no body WANTS to pay more taxes but the reality is that it is going to cost money, a lot of money, to fix our economy, continue to provide health care and social service programs and create sustainable energy and resources.  None of these things are going to be resolved without money.  And when the government needs money typically we pay more taxes.  I am not saying this is a great set-up but what I am saying is that I wish people would look beyond their wallets when making their decisions to vote this year. 

Think of all the things that are most important to you right now. Your job? Your family?  Your health?  Vote with your head, not with your wallets and Canada will be a far greater place.